Yesterday I forgot International Woman’s Day. Well, the truth is I didn’t forget, I never knew (even though the day dates back a century). Why? Because it’s a made-up holiday! I’m not saying it’s not a good or necessary holiday, but it is a made-up day nonetheless. It’s one of thousands of made-up days that while serving to promote awareness also has the irritating side effect of making you feel inadequate when you catch on that they are happening. When I heard about International Women’s Day from ye olde town crier Facebook, I said, “Great, another F-cking day to remember!” Perhaps you thought the same thing?  Perhaps you too have a difficult time keeping up with all your personal and family obligations—not to mention your husband’s personal obligations—let alone our vast milieu of made-up commemorative days?

If you feel over scheduled as it is, seeing them creep up on your newsfeed might overwhelm you. There are so many that coincide, you will wonder which made-up day to commemorate. This is especially troubling when so many of these days seem to conflict with each other. For instance, today is Get Over it Day, but it is also International Panic Day. I’ve decided just to get back in bed and call it a day. But I can’t leave you in lurch, not during Women’s History Month. So from my bed, I’ve compiled a smattering of March’s made-up days to help you keep track of where the conversations will go in March’s online social sphere.

March kicks off on the 1st with Plan a Solo Vacation Day. I think this is a tease given that it is also Women’s History Month. Who are you kidding? You have women’s obligations. You’re not going anywhere. It’s also Refired, Not Retired Day, which encourages people to work into retirement, so forget planning that solo vacation. It’s never going to happen.

Some days do align nicely though. World Wildlife Day and What if Cats and Dogs had Opposable Thumbs? Day both fall on the 3rd. Dress in Blue Day, Toy Soldier Day and March Forth- Do Something Day make sense together on March “Fourth”.

Of course yesterday, the 8th, was International Women’s Day, International Working Women’s Day, Day for Women’s Rights and International Peace, and Girls Write Now Day. Girls who are encouraged to write now should take caution though because the 8th is also National Proofreading Day. Just to take your confidence down a notch further, it’s also Organize Your Home Office Day. And the following day, March 9th, is Barbie Day. Just in case, International Women’s Day gave you the false sense that your worth was untethered from your appearance, Barbie Day brings you back to reality. The 9th is also Registered Dietitian Day which will help since the 8th, Women’s Day, was also International Pancake Day and National Peanut Cluster Day. This must be why the 9th is simultaneously Get Over it Day and Panic Day. Just accept that you’ll be a mess on March 8th and 9th! This is why I’m still in bed.

You can come out again on the 10th though. It’s International Day of Awesomeness! And in case anyone thought it unfair that Barbie got a day, March 13th is Ken Day. However, Ken Day falls on Daylight Savings Time. We loose an hour on Ken Day. I’m sure we’ll hear complaints about the inequity of that, even though the total duration of daylight is a full 11 minutes longer on Ken Day than on Barbie Day. Typical. The 13th is also Earmuffs Day, L. Ron Hubbard Day, National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day, and Smart and Sexy Day. You’ll need those smarts on the 14th which is Pi Day ( 3.14159265 etc.). If you don’t understand circumference, the 14th is also International Ask a Question Day.

March 16th is a very important day, one that I think should be universally observed—No Selfies Day. Unfortunately it falls on Kick Butts Day and Lip Appreciation Day which means someone else will have to take a picture of you making a duck face while you kick butt. However, since the 15th was Everything You Do is Wrong Day, the 16th is Everything you do is Right Day. So heck, take that selfie! This day is also Brain Injury Awareness Day. Just think about that—if you can. This holiday may have too many inherent problems to gain popularity so it’s bolstered by Freedom of Information Day.

Skipping ahead through countless made up holidays, you begin to feel as though you are trapped in the digital zeitgeist of the Internet era we are in. These holidays, some very legitimate causes, some merely marketing ploys, embody the vast culture of conversations that we have at our fingertips. Conversations that seem to constantly require acknowledgement, when in fact they are just distractions, often a waste time, and can cause stress. So yes, of course, I mean March 21st which is Twitter Day.

March 21st is also National Common Courtesy Day, International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination, and Poetry Day. Consider sending someone a poem in the form of a pleasant 140 character Tweet about racial harmony on this much needed day.

Now from the 26th on things just get bizarre. How is it that the 26th is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day, but the best we can come up with is Purple Day, Spinach Day and Legal Assistants Day? Also why is Viagra Day on Easter this year?  Jesus didn’t seem to have any issues with Resurrectile Disfunction, but I supposed he’d be glad we can cure it now. If you’re a little angry about Viagra Day, you’ll have to wait until the next day because the 28th is Be Mad Day.

I am In Control Day might also make you feel empowered on the 30th, along with Pencil Day. Both days seem to be strategically scheduled for those holding it together on World Bi-Polar Day. Finally, Women’s History Month finishes on the 31st with International Hug a Medievalist Day. However, I recommend celebrating a woman who makes you laugh on the 31st which is National “She’s Funny That Way” Day. Yes, it happens to be a film directed by Peter Bogdanovich. How did it get a made-up day? That’s the thing about made-up days. You can just make them up!

So there you have it—the month of March. It is going to be a very engaging Women’s History Month. I think as women we should start delegating some of the social responsibility for these days to the men in our lives. Let them send the grandparents a card on Viagra Day for once! But seriously, if we really want to honor women, let’s stop making up more holidays and start delegating the work of the personal and social obligations we already have to the men in our lives. Now get to work commemorating yourselves ladies, because no one else is going to do it!